I used to not be able to relate to people who would say " I don't even know who such and such is anymore." Now, I totally understand, and it is NOT a good feeling.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
How Do You Feel About Yourself?
So, the other day one of my friends posted this video on her wall, it's a documentary called Dark Girls. I encourage you to watch the short video before continuing to read this, although it's not really necessary because the point of this post will be easily understood.
From the short preview, I've gathered that the documentary is going to be about the plight of dark skinned girls. Being a dark skinned girl myself, I was very interested in seeing what tone this was going to take. I haven't seen the whole movie, but if the preview is any indication of what it will be, I'm not so sure I'm going to watch the whole thing.
The clips they showed were really sad and I really do feel awful for these women. I sincerely hope somewhere in this documentary they're going to have some stories of dark skinned women who are strong, confident with who they are, and NEVER wished to be light skinned.
I got teased about being dark skinned at times, but I never let that teasing get to me to the degree that some of the women in the preview displayed.
For example, I had this light skinned cousin who thought she was hot shit. She used to tell me "boys like me because I'm light skinned with long hair. (conveniently leaving out the fact that it was a weave) Boys don't like you because even though you have long hair, (mine was real) you're dark skinned.
My response to this was always the same. "boys like you because you're easy, slut."
Boys didn't like her because she was light skinned with long hair, they liked her because she was a tramp ass hoe who let them climb through her window when everyone was asleep. It was pretty easy for me to brush off her insults. I'm sorry, but a slut like her will NOT make me feel like less of a person. I knew she was on some bullshit even when I was younger. I digress.
I'm not going to act like the black community doesn't have a problem with skin tones. It's not hard to look at what's shoved down our throats daily as "beautiful" and surmise that the dark skinned girls are not as highly regarded. I see how this can be disheartening to some women. We're all human and we all have emotions.
That being said, we've got to change our reaction to these slights.
I am dark skinned, and I am totally, completely okay with that. I have never wished to be light skinned! I used to get teased by all sorts of people about being dark skinned too, but I did not let that define me. My Mother is a beautiful dark skinned woman and all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was like her. She always told me I was pretty and she never put a disclaimer on it. Even when I went through that really, really awkward stage, she told me I was pretty. She still tells me I'm pretty. Hell, if no one ever told you that, then dammit stand in the mirror and say it to yourself. I AM BEAUTIFUL!
If as grown women you're still being talked down to or made to feel like you're less than because you're dark skinned, then you've gotta change something about you. The only conclusion I can come to is we live in a time where people no longer have a fear of being slapped in the face. If someone is blatantly disrespecting you, it's because they feel completely safe doing so. This needs to change quickly. I'm not advocating violence, but I'm all for self defense. I'm not joking.
As that old saying goes: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt
From the short preview, I've gathered that the documentary is going to be about the plight of dark skinned girls. Being a dark skinned girl myself, I was very interested in seeing what tone this was going to take. I haven't seen the whole movie, but if the preview is any indication of what it will be, I'm not so sure I'm going to watch the whole thing.
The clips they showed were really sad and I really do feel awful for these women. I sincerely hope somewhere in this documentary they're going to have some stories of dark skinned women who are strong, confident with who they are, and NEVER wished to be light skinned.
I got teased about being dark skinned at times, but I never let that teasing get to me to the degree that some of the women in the preview displayed.
For example, I had this light skinned cousin who thought she was hot shit. She used to tell me "boys like me because I'm light skinned with long hair. (conveniently leaving out the fact that it was a weave) Boys don't like you because even though you have long hair, (mine was real) you're dark skinned.
My response to this was always the same. "boys like you because you're easy, slut."
Boys didn't like her because she was light skinned with long hair, they liked her because she was a tramp ass hoe who let them climb through her window when everyone was asleep. It was pretty easy for me to brush off her insults. I'm sorry, but a slut like her will NOT make me feel like less of a person. I knew she was on some bullshit even when I was younger. I digress.
I'm not going to act like the black community doesn't have a problem with skin tones. It's not hard to look at what's shoved down our throats daily as "beautiful" and surmise that the dark skinned girls are not as highly regarded. I see how this can be disheartening to some women. We're all human and we all have emotions.
That being said, we've got to change our reaction to these slights.
I am dark skinned, and I am totally, completely okay with that. I have never wished to be light skinned! I used to get teased by all sorts of people about being dark skinned too, but I did not let that define me. My Mother is a beautiful dark skinned woman and all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was like her. She always told me I was pretty and she never put a disclaimer on it. Even when I went through that really, really awkward stage, she told me I was pretty. She still tells me I'm pretty. Hell, if no one ever told you that, then dammit stand in the mirror and say it to yourself. I AM BEAUTIFUL!
If as grown women you're still being talked down to or made to feel like you're less than because you're dark skinned, then you've gotta change something about you. The only conclusion I can come to is we live in a time where people no longer have a fear of being slapped in the face. If someone is blatantly disrespecting you, it's because they feel completely safe doing so. This needs to change quickly. I'm not advocating violence, but I'm all for self defense. I'm not joking.
As that old saying goes: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I Got Stood Up! Update:
So this morning I got four text messages back to back to back to back, all pertaining to yesterday. He would have me believe that he sent those messages yesterday and he's shocked that they just came through. Okay, so if you sent four text messages that were constant updates on your location and I didn't respond, why not call me to see what's wrong? Now I will openly admit I do have problems receiving text messages at times, but when that happens I don't receive them from anyone. I got all my other messages yesterday, so that was clearly not the problem. I think our boy is just full of shit. Oh well, I'm over it.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I Got Stood Up!
I got stood up today! This guy who I've been chatting and talking with asked me to come watch him play flag football today. He actually asked me on Wednesday and I agreed. He sent me a text this morning telling me the game was still on, but it had been moved to another spot and he wasn't exactly sure of the name of the park, but he'd let me know when he found out. That's the last text message I received from him. Now, when I was young and way more naive, and quite frankly, self absorbed, (whoa on the commas) I would have assumed something bad happened to him. I mean, let's face it, there's just no way in HELL he stood me up! However, I'm older and I know better, so more than likely, yeah, he just stood me up. I'm sure he's fine. I absolutely hope he's fine.
The being stood up part really bugs me, not because I think I'm above it, but because it's just rude as hell to not value someone's time. He has no idea what kind of concessions I had to make to be able to accommodate his ass today. It's not like I woke up dreaming about going to watch a fucking flag football game. I was going for him, just so we could kick it a little bit. I have no idea why he stood me up. Maybe he just forgot about me. Maybe he decided he really didn't want to me to come. Who knows? Either way, I'm pretty sure he just took himself completely out of the game. I sent him a text a mere 10 hours later asking "What happened to you today?" He hasn't responded. I'll let you know if he does.
The being stood up part really bugs me, not because I think I'm above it, but because it's just rude as hell to not value someone's time. He has no idea what kind of concessions I had to make to be able to accommodate his ass today. It's not like I woke up dreaming about going to watch a fucking flag football game. I was going for him, just so we could kick it a little bit. I have no idea why he stood me up. Maybe he just forgot about me. Maybe he decided he really didn't want to me to come. Who knows? Either way, I'm pretty sure he just took himself completely out of the game. I sent him a text a mere 10 hours later asking "What happened to you today?" He hasn't responded. I'll let you know if he does.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Do Actions Really Speak Louder Than Words?
So, I have this male friend who always seems to find himself in precarious situations with women. He's always telling me that it isn't his fault that they catch feelings, because he tells them in the beginning he isn't looking for a relationship. My argument to him is always, "but you're actions don't say that" Well, last night I was on the phone with a friend and I finally see where he's coming from. I still kinda think it's bullshit, but I understand a little better.
My homegirl has been seeing this guy for around six months and things have been steady enough. It's to the point where he has a key to her place, she has a key to his. He drives her car, she drives his, and they spend at least 5 nights per week together. Sounds like a relationship, right? (I don't know about you, but I'm not giving a key to my condo to some random ass dude) However, I talked to her the night before last and she was telling me how he kept saying he didn't want to "label" what they were doing. Now ladies, we all know what that means. The long and short of it is, he doesn't want to label it, so that way he can still date other women. Then, if you try to question him about it, he can hit you with the "but you and I aren't in a relationship." I've never seen this work out any other way. Accuse me of painting with a broad brush, but you're going to have to give me an example to the contrary. Anyway, she found out last night that he's been seeing this other chick and she's devastated. I sat on the phone and listened to her cry for quite a while. I don't mind doing that because lord knows there are friends of mine who have been an ear for me. I couldn't help but think back to our previous conversation, and that's where my homeboy's feelings made sense to me. She kept saying he didn't offer any explanation and she just KNOWS they're more than friends because of all the stuff I mentioned above. I mean, we're all passed the point where we have to say "will you go with me?" But, a conversation about where you stand still needs to be had. Even though you begin dating and things progress to the point where you're exchanging keys and etc., you still have to establish some boundaries. They'd clearly had this conversation before and she clearly didn't take him at his word.
On the other hand, I tend to believe actions speak louder than words and I think that's why she's so hurt. As far as she's concerned, they were in a relationship. They were doing relationship type things, so it's a little disingenuous for him to now act as if he doesn't owe her any explanation. Prior to last night, I wouldn't have been trying to hear what him or my homeboy were saying, but it makes sense to me now. I'm trying to look at this objectively, which is hard because she's my friend, but I have to acknowledge that he has a point. So I guess in the end, we have to start listening to what people tell us, even if their actions scream something different. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's where we are right now.
My homegirl has been seeing this guy for around six months and things have been steady enough. It's to the point where he has a key to her place, she has a key to his. He drives her car, she drives his, and they spend at least 5 nights per week together. Sounds like a relationship, right? (I don't know about you, but I'm not giving a key to my condo to some random ass dude) However, I talked to her the night before last and she was telling me how he kept saying he didn't want to "label" what they were doing. Now ladies, we all know what that means. The long and short of it is, he doesn't want to label it, so that way he can still date other women. Then, if you try to question him about it, he can hit you with the "but you and I aren't in a relationship." I've never seen this work out any other way. Accuse me of painting with a broad brush, but you're going to have to give me an example to the contrary. Anyway, she found out last night that he's been seeing this other chick and she's devastated. I sat on the phone and listened to her cry for quite a while. I don't mind doing that because lord knows there are friends of mine who have been an ear for me. I couldn't help but think back to our previous conversation, and that's where my homeboy's feelings made sense to me. She kept saying he didn't offer any explanation and she just KNOWS they're more than friends because of all the stuff I mentioned above. I mean, we're all passed the point where we have to say "will you go with me?" But, a conversation about where you stand still needs to be had. Even though you begin dating and things progress to the point where you're exchanging keys and etc., you still have to establish some boundaries. They'd clearly had this conversation before and she clearly didn't take him at his word.
On the other hand, I tend to believe actions speak louder than words and I think that's why she's so hurt. As far as she's concerned, they were in a relationship. They were doing relationship type things, so it's a little disingenuous for him to now act as if he doesn't owe her any explanation. Prior to last night, I wouldn't have been trying to hear what him or my homeboy were saying, but it makes sense to me now. I'm trying to look at this objectively, which is hard because she's my friend, but I have to acknowledge that he has a point. So I guess in the end, we have to start listening to what people tell us, even if their actions scream something different. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's where we are right now.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Atonement
Alright, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I have not been a very good person lately. It's not that I've been a blatant asshole, but I have been an asshole in the most discreet ways. I'm not going to sit here and try to blame any of my behavior on anyone other than me. Every decision I've made recently was made with a sound mind. I knew better, and I still did certain things. I think my biggest issue is I knew I'd find myself writing this post if I did any of the things I've done, yet I did them anyway. Seriously, this post all but wrote itself. I know me better than anyone (obviously) so I know there are certain things that I'm going to beat myself up over. I've recently done a couple of those things. So, as I sit here having a pity party, I've decided I need to do another cleanse. I am not a bad person, I just do questionable things sometimes. Now, it's time to atone for some of the wrong I've done. Over the next 21 days I'm going to Fast. I'll only allow myself to eat fruits, vegetables and water. I love wine, and bread, and coke, and meat and all the other shit most folks love, so I know this is going to be a challenge. Right now I only eat vegetables because I should, not because I want to, so please know this will not be an easy feat. I'll use these days to reflect and just take a long hard look at my life and try to change the things I don't like about myself. I'm going to do my best to constantly remind myself that temporary joy can bring long lasting regret. Wish me luck.
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