Don't Say Yes, When No Will Do

Well, I'm 30 years old now. That means, a lot to me. I didn't have a great epiphany or anything leading up to it, and I don't feel any differently than I did a few days ago when I was 29. But, 30 is an important milestone for a lot of women. I can definitely say I am more comfortable being who I am right now than I've ever been in my life. That's an awesome feeling and it is the inspiration for today's post.
Over the weekend I went to Canada to celebrate my birthday.  I took this trip alone for many reasons. The number one being because I wanted my birthday to be completely about me.  I didn't want to have to consult with anyone about anything! I know a few people in Canada, so luckily I wasn't completely on my own for the weekend.  Overall it was a lovely trip. Toronto is a beautiful city, and if it didn't get so damn cold, I could totally see myself living there.  But, it does get cold, so there's a small chance in hell I'll be relocating there. But I digress.
On my last full day in Toronto I found myself in a peculiar situation. I don't really need to go into specifics to make my point. My message to you today is, if you don't want to be where you are, don't be where you are.
As adults, we all have choices and for the most part, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you're not comfortable enough to make tough decisions that may hurt someone's feelings, then you're doing adulthood wrong.  You're not going to please everyone all the time, so you might as well make peace with that. If someone invites you to go somewhere and you don't want to go, say no. There's nothing worse than being around someone who has agreed to be somewhere they'd clearly rather not be.  They check their phone and or watch every three minutes or so. You don't know if they have somewhere else they just have to be, or if they're just bored out of their mind. Either way, it's not a good feeling. It's annoying as hell, especially when you invite them to leave if they need to, and they decline, but their rude behavior persists. There are certain things you are obligated to do, but you should never feel obligated to go spend time with someone, other than like, your Granny. You either want to, or you don't. Unless you're a person who has a really good game face, don't say yes when no will do. Most people are smart enough to pick up on your discomfort and that has a way of being contagious. Now, we're all uncomfortable because you decided to go somewhere you didn't really want to go. Do us all a favor next time and just don't show up. It's way less offensive.
Everyone has their comfort zone, but it's more important to see how someone reacts when they're outside of that zone. You learn a lot about a person when they're in somewhat unfamiliar territory.
Anyway, I enjoyed my birthday trip. I had a few goals in mind and I accomplished them all. There were a few unexpected hurdles, but I got over them and that's all that really matters at the end of the day.

Doing Me, Day 27: Don't Say Yes When No Will Do

This past weekend the movie For Colored Girls was released.  Tyler Perry decided to convert the popular play into a movie.  It has an all star cast featuring the likes of Phyllicia Rashad, Kimberly Elise, and Whoopi Goldberg just to name a few.  It would seem like it's a no-brainer that a colored girl such as myself would go see this movie, right? Wrong.  I have some serious reservations about seeing this flick.  It has some really sad, dramatic, trifling shit happening. There's rape, back alley abortions and so on.  Drama, drama, drama!.  My main problem  is that these are the only types of movies that keep being released about colored girls.  Why can't we have one movie that features happy colored girls?  Don't we deserve a Sex and The City type of movie too?  Apparently not, because no one feels the need to make one.  Instead we get movies like Precious, which although critically acclaimed, paints some of the most horrendous pictures of strife that any person from any race could endure.  The whole movie was sad and I will never, ever watch it again.  The only redeeming thing about that movie for me was the fact that I went to a premier so I didn't have to pay for it.  I don't want to pay money to be sad.  I'm sorry, but that's not my idea of entertainment.  If I'm going to shell out twelve bucks for a movie, then I damn well prefer to leave the theater and not have to feel bad about these horrible things that happened to this fictional character.  Yes, we all have pain and emotional issues that we need to deal with, but we don't need to be reminded of it in the name of entertainment. Honestly, I don't go to the movies to get life lessons.  I go to the movies to take a two hour break from the bullshit that I endure daily.

My friends want to go to dinner then go see this movie.  Normally I'm all in favor of a group outing, but I'm just not feeling this.  As you all know I'm nearing the end of my thirty day cleanse. (if you don't know feel free to read some of the older posts)  I'm trying to finish strong and I just feel like this movie will put a huge damper on my mood and I don't need nor want that.  I feel like I've grown a lot in a short amount of time, as evidenced by the fact that my participation in girls night out is up in the air.  The old me would just suck it up and go to the damn movie, but I'm not that person anymore.  I adopted a motto a few months ago and it's really worked out well for me. "DON'T SAY YES, WHEN NO WILL DO".  I really do practice this, and that's how I keep myself from wasting my time doing shit I don't really want to do.  If I decide not to go see the movie with the gals, it won't be the end of the world.  They probably won't even miss me.   I'm not sure what my decision will be right now.  I guess we'll find out tomorrow night.