So anyway. I've stated on this very blog, time and time again that I needed a change of scenery and I needed it to happen soon. The time has finally come for that change. I'll be relocating in less than two weeks! I'm not sure if this relocation is temporary or permanent. I'm going to give it about six months before I make a decision.
I'm super excited! My friends and family are giving me a hard time, but that's understandable. They're used to having me near. It'll be a big adjustment for all of us, but it's necessary.
Whatever you've been putting off, get to it! There will never be a better time than right now.
Showing posts with label Time For A Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Time For A Change. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Monday, January 24, 2011
Be The Change
Yeah, I know. I'm raggedy. Forgive me.
Why am I writing tonight? I'm not really sure. I've got a million things on my mind and that's a problem. There's just too much uncertainty in my life right now. While some people relish the thought of uncertainty, I'm just not mentally in that place lately. I'm not feeling all whimsical and shit. I'm not really in the mood to just take whatever life gives me. I am beyond ready for life to give me what I want. What I'm working toward. I need a change. I know this. You know this, mainly because when I do write, I bitch endlessly about it. What's that famous quote? "Be the change you want to see?" Or something like that. Yeah, that's what I'm working on.
As you know, I took steps long ago to balance two relationships that I felt like I'd completely lost control over. Well, I really thought I'd solved most of the problems, and for the most part I did. (with one of them) But, it has been made painfully clear to me that there's still some work to be done. I never, ever thought I'd get to the point where I would totally cut off communication with this particular person, but he's almost leaving me no choice. I'm still not happy about where our friendship is. There are some things I see in him that have really given me an understanding about why he has so many broken relationships. I'm afraid he's going to be able to add one more to the list very soon. If you keep running into the same problem with everyone, then clearly you're the problem. You're the one constant in these failed relationships and until you acknowledge that, nothing will change. It's unreasonable to expect people to give you 100% when you're only willing to give 25%, but, here I sit contemplating my future relationship with someone who has that very mentality. I don't know what's going to happen, I just know that I don't care as much as I used to. There was a time when the thought of us not being friends would have had me all crying, and devastated and shit. That's not the case anymore. I'm either becoming stronger, or colder. I suspect it's a thin line between the two.
Why am I writing tonight? I'm not really sure. I've got a million things on my mind and that's a problem. There's just too much uncertainty in my life right now. While some people relish the thought of uncertainty, I'm just not mentally in that place lately. I'm not feeling all whimsical and shit. I'm not really in the mood to just take whatever life gives me. I am beyond ready for life to give me what I want. What I'm working toward. I need a change. I know this. You know this, mainly because when I do write, I bitch endlessly about it. What's that famous quote? "Be the change you want to see?" Or something like that. Yeah, that's what I'm working on.
As you know, I took steps long ago to balance two relationships that I felt like I'd completely lost control over. Well, I really thought I'd solved most of the problems, and for the most part I did. (with one of them) But, it has been made painfully clear to me that there's still some work to be done. I never, ever thought I'd get to the point where I would totally cut off communication with this particular person, but he's almost leaving me no choice. I'm still not happy about where our friendship is. There are some things I see in him that have really given me an understanding about why he has so many broken relationships. I'm afraid he's going to be able to add one more to the list very soon. If you keep running into the same problem with everyone, then clearly you're the problem. You're the one constant in these failed relationships and until you acknowledge that, nothing will change. It's unreasonable to expect people to give you 100% when you're only willing to give 25%, but, here I sit contemplating my future relationship with someone who has that very mentality. I don't know what's going to happen, I just know that I don't care as much as I used to. There was a time when the thought of us not being friends would have had me all crying, and devastated and shit. That's not the case anymore. I'm either becoming stronger, or colder. I suspect it's a thin line between the two.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010 Reflections, or Something Like That.
Sooooooooooooo, what a year! Isn't that what everyone says? I'm not going to sit here and recap every memorable event from this year. There was some good, and some bad, and I'm pretty much ready to let it be. I'm excited about the future, next year and beyond. I'm ready for a major change. I have no fear or reservations or any of the usual shit I experience that leads me to talk myself out of doing something "crazy". I didn't do much in 2010, I just kinda took whatever it gave me. I'm not going to do that next year. I have a goals list and come hail or high water I'm going to reach most of them. When I sat down to write tonight I had plans of talking about how all of the men I love I can't be in a relationship with for one reason or another, but now is just not the time. It doesn't feel right, but that's definitely something that's been on my mind. I have a lot of male friends and my female friends are always wondering why I don't date any of them. The best answer I can give is every time I think about possibly going there with one of them, I remember that I know all of their dirty little secrets, and they know mine. On the one hand that's a good thing, but on the other hand it gives both of us reasons to pause. I'll speak on this later. I hope 2011 is sweet to us!
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