Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Tug of War

So anyway........ Do you ever feel like you're being pulled in too many different directions? That's how I feel right now concerning my Instagram account. (I bet you thought this post was going to be deep. Nope.) Aside from following a few of my friends, I follow a few fitness accounts, and plus sized fashionistas. 
The plus sized bloggers/fashionistas are all about loving and embracing your fullness, and that's definitely something I strongly believe in, considering I'm a 12-14. It's really important for women to have positive thoughts about themselves, because hey, we can't all look like Nia Long. That doesn't mean we can't be fabulous.
The fitness accounts I follow are mostly women who have gone from plus-sized to not plus sized. The reason these accounts interest me is because I'm on a journey to become healthier, and I need motivation and information about just how to do that. Everyone has a different routine and different goals, so it's good to get different perspectives.
I've never been a skinny chic, and I've never been morbidly obese. Just always somewhere in between. I don't lament the extra sexiness I carry around, because all things considered, I think I wear it fairly well. Thank God for height! My weight is spread vertically, as opposed to horizontally. I genuinely believe about 30lbs of my weight is directly in my head. Like literally, not figuratively.  I have a big head, but I digress.
I'm on a fitness journey because I don't want to die from something that can mostly be prevented through diet and exercise. Ain't nobody got time for diabetes and hypertension. I have to remember that I can't be fooled by the amount of self confidence I have, and forget what I'm trying to do. At the end of the day, it's not just about looking good in a cute outfit. We plus sized gals are proof that you can do that at any size. I do know that reality has affected me way more than I'd like to admit. I don't think you have to be sad or unhappy with who you are to want to get healthier. Getting older and watching your metabolism bottom out is very motivational. That's where I am now.
It's not that we plus sized gals just sit around eating whatever the hell we want, and we don't care about being healthy. We work out too. I don't want this post to sound like I think all  plus sized girls are unhealthy. I just know that when I eat better, weight comes off. So that's what I'm expecting to happen as this journey progresses.
I'm just going to end this with a quote.

"I don't believe the word "healthy" means small-framed... it just means taking care of what one does in terms of body, mind and spirit; getting to a place where you aren't worried (especially about the body forsaking you bc of what you eat) ... to be healthy = to make conscious decisions of what you do to maintain your life here on this planet!"~ Louise Hammonds

Monday, September 23, 2013

Why Do I Know the Intimate Details of Your Relationship?

So anyway......... How much of your dignity are you willing to push to the side just to be able to say you have a boyfriend? Oh, I should say that I know men aren't the only ones that do dirt, but we'll talk about that another day. Maybe..... Anyway, I'm not a person who has generic expectations when it comes to relationships. I absolutely believe that everyone has the right to set their own rules when it comes to how they're going to proceed with their significant other. However, I see a lot of women going through some terrible things because of their boyfriends. It's actually quite alarming. The reason I know more than I care to about their relationships is because they feel the need to put every damn problem they have right out there for the world to comment on. The fact that they willingly do this can't do anything other than add to the bullshit that's already in their life, but whatever.  People used to put vague shit on Facebook, but recently they've begun giving very detailed descriptions of their relationship woes. Their men don't even deny the shit. Some of them actually chime in on these posts and half-assed defend themselves.
Whatever happened to privacy, or just telling your best friend what's going on? Why would you want everyone to know that your man got some other chick pregnant and now you have to work to get past it so you can learn to love this child? It's okay to get guidance from someone who isn't really close to the situation, but you need to be picky about who that person should be. Getting relationship advice from your Facebook friends is like playing Russian Roulette with your happiness. People are weird. Do you really want to take advice from the chick who floods your timeline with posts about how the president is a Kenyan Muslim who didn't really graduate from college?
I'm not sure what these gals hope to accomplish, but letting everyone in their business won't yield positive results. Maybe they think they're going to shame their men into behaving, but I haven't seen many instances where that's happened. I don't feel sorry for anyone, because all parties involved are obviously fine with things. Hell, at the end of the day, I reckon that's all that matters.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Where Have You Been?

So, anyway. It's been a while, a long while, and I'm not going to apologize for that.  I can't really offer a concrete explanation as to why I've neglected this blog. All I can say is, shit happens. I've been through a lot over the past 20 months, but things are settling a little. Sorta. Believe it or not, I do miss blogging and I am going to carve out some time to do it again regularly. It's probably for the best that I didn't blog about my single gal trials and tribulations over the past few months.  I might have sounded like a lunatic.  Although I haven't written here consistently over the inception of this blog the past year or so, I have been  writing.  I've written a fun little ebook for single gals. It should be ready for purchase before the end of 2013. I'll keep you posted.  In the meantime, it's time to get back to enjoying life in Atlanta, since it's obvious I'm going to be here. I look forward to talking at you again soon.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Who Deserves a Second Chance?

So, anyway.......
How do you know if an ex deserves a second chance? I know a lot of people who have gone onto marry a person with whom they had at least one break-up. I know it can work, I just don't know what the determining factors should be.  I've never really been one to go back to an ex.  I'm cold and heartless, I suppose.....  Once I'm done, I'm done.  But, lately I've been a little curious about a guy from my past. We didn't have a bad breakup, things just didn't work out. We're both older, and presumably wiser, but I'm still weary. I've never left a relationship thinking that I could have done more.  I try hard, because I don't want to have that, "he's the one that got away", moment. Well, I don't want that moment to come because I could have tried harder. Basically by the time a relationship has completely run its course with me, I know I've done all I can, or am willing to do to save it.  Anyway, feel free to email me with your thoughts.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Stuck on Stubborn

So anyway. I've been in a pissing match of sorts with someone who is really close to me. When we fall out, I usually wait a few days then get over it because I'm not one to hold grudges.  How-eva, this time is different.  I'm. Not. Wrong. I'm not going to just act like it's okay that our relationship is unbalanced.  He's going to have to acknowledge his shortcomings this time.  I refuse to be the bigger person.  I'm tired of being the one who fights the hardest to save relationships.  We haven't spoken to each other in almost two weeks. He's stubborn, and I'm stubborn.  As the days roll by, it's becoming easier for me to deal with our limited interaction.  That's not good for him.  The reason we're in this mess is because he's shown himself to be someone I can no longer depend on, even though I'm always there when he needs me.  So, since he's been failing me in that regard so regularly over the past year or so, it's safe to assume that I can get a long just fine with little to no interaction.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Inappropriate Text Messages

So anyway. Grownups, we've been having some very inappropriate conversations via text messages, and they have to stop. I'm not talking about sexting. I'm talking about serious, relationship changing conversations that need to be had face to face or at the very least over the telephone. There are certain things that cannot be easily interpreted via text messages.  I can't count the number of times friends have told me about the little misunderstanding that turned into the big misunderstanding because they decided to have a conversation via text messages. I'm not saying problems never get bigger when you talk about them in person or over the phone, but at least you can gauge how a person is feeling based on voice inflection, or facial expressions. Text message arguments are the things that lead to text message break-ups. People always gasp when they hear about someone getting dumped via text or email. We never consider the possibility that their relationship was built on written, as opposed to spoken words. I know couples who only hear the sound of their significant others voice when they're in person. The communication those other days of the week are strictly text messages. That's crazy!
If we're arguing via text messages, I can't tell if I hurt your feelings or pissed you off unless you include an emoticon. As a grownup, I should not have to rely on a little yellow face to accurately convey your feelings to me. This is a perfect example. Am I being serious about the need for emoticons, or am I just saying it tongue in cheek? At this point I'm not even sure, so how can you be?
We cannot be afraid to have tough conversations. I know it's easier to text or email, but it's not the best way to handle real life problems. If you're in a situation where you just can't make a phone call, then you need to put the conversation on pause until you can. A lot of people like to hide behind the, "I just don't like talking on the phone" excuse. That's cool. You don't have to stay on the phone for hours, but you can't have serious arguments via text messages. How can you build a healthy relationship if you never have those moments of awkward silence once an argument has reached its peak? We can't take the little things for granted, folks.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Don't Kidnap and Assault Your Ex

Yeah, I know. So anyway.  While I was browsing the internet today, I came across this little gem from Yahoo! It's video of a high school basketball recruit collapsing in court after a judge sentenced him to three years in prison for kidnapping and assaulting his ex-girlfriend.  I had no sympathy for him because I saw that he plead guilty, meaning he admitted to doing these things. I hadn't even seen the tape of the assault at the time I made the decision that 3 years was a fair, if not light sentence considering the crime. I've been having a Facebook argument all day with people who think "it was too harsh of a sentence for a first offense." The question I have in response to those who say that, "How many times should you be able to kidnap and assault a person before you go to prison?" I still haven't gotten a definitive answer. All I know is once isn't enough. After going back and forth with people who felt like this little knucklehead had been unjustly punished, someone posted the video of the assault.   Any sympathy I might have been able to muster up for him will never see the light of day.  Was that the most egregious beating I've ever seen on video? Nope, not even close. But, it was bad. She was justifiably terrified and he seemed invigorated by that. This young man went to her apartment, and beat the hell out of her. Think about that. Think about walking into your apartment building and being attacked by someone who's twice your size. Now, I'm not one to arbitrarily throw out accusations, but I'm gonna assume this isn't the first time he's hit her.  The reason I assume this is because he felt comfortable enough to do that shit in public. It didn't look to me, like he was just winging it. I could be wrong though.  Anyway, this whole case has me annoyed. We have to raise our standards and stop feeling bad for people who bring strife unto themselves.  People have been throwing a pity party for this dude just because he had the potential to go play D1 basketball.  He knew better than any of his defenders what was at stake, but he couldn't control himself.  The boy clearly needs help, and I sincerely hope he gets it. But, forgive me if I don't feel sorry that he's going to prison for 3 years.  Of all the crimes I want a judge to be lenient about, kidnapping and assault are not among them.
In the words of Huey Freeman, "Every famous nigga that gets arrested is not Nelson Mandela."
Buddy will be no more than 22 when he gets out of prison.  He'll be able to turn his life around, and I sincerely hope he does.