Who Deserves a Second Chance?

So, anyway.......
How do you know if an ex deserves a second chance? I know a lot of people who have gone onto marry a person with whom they had at least one break-up. I know it can work, I just don't know what the determining factors should be.  I've never really been one to go back to an ex.  I'm cold and heartless, I suppose.....  Once I'm done, I'm done.  But, lately I've been a little curious about a guy from my past. We didn't have a bad breakup, things just didn't work out. We're both older, and presumably wiser, but I'm still weary. I've never left a relationship thinking that I could have done more.  I try hard, because I don't want to have that, "he's the one that got away", moment. Well, I don't want that moment to come because I could have tried harder. Basically by the time a relationship has completely run its course with me, I know I've done all I can, or am willing to do to save it.  Anyway, feel free to email me with your thoughts.

Stuck on Stubborn

So anyway. I've been in a pissing match of sorts with someone who is really close to me. When we fall out, I usually wait a few days then get over it because I'm not one to hold grudges.  How-eva, this time is different.  I'm. Not. Wrong. I'm not going to just act like it's okay that our relationship is unbalanced.  He's going to have to acknowledge his shortcomings this time.  I refuse to be the bigger person.  I'm tired of being the one who fights the hardest to save relationships.  We haven't spoken to each other in almost two weeks. He's stubborn, and I'm stubborn.  As the days roll by, it's becoming easier for me to deal with our limited interaction.  That's not good for him.  The reason we're in this mess is because he's shown himself to be someone I can no longer depend on, even though I'm always there when he needs me.  So, since he's been failing me in that regard so regularly over the past year or so, it's safe to assume that I can get a long just fine with little to no interaction.

Inappropriate Text Messages

So anyway. Grownups, we've been having some very inappropriate conversations via text messages, and they have to stop. I'm not talking about sexting. I'm talking about serious, relationship changing conversations that need to be had face to face or at the very least over the telephone. There are certain things that cannot be easily interpreted via text messages.  I can't count the number of times friends have told me about the little misunderstanding that turned into the big misunderstanding because they decided to have a conversation via text messages. I'm not saying problems never get bigger when you talk about them in person or over the phone, but at least you can gauge how a person is feeling based on voice inflection, or facial expressions. Text message arguments are the things that lead to text message break-ups. People always gasp when they hear about someone getting dumped via text or email. We never consider the possibility that their relationship was built on written, as opposed to spoken words. I know couples who only hear the sound of their significant others voice when they're in person. The communication those other days of the week are strictly text messages. That's crazy!
If we're arguing via text messages, I can't tell if I hurt your feelings or pissed you off unless you include an emoticon. As a grownup, I should not have to rely on a little yellow face to accurately convey your feelings to me. This is a perfect example. Am I being serious about the need for emoticons, or am I just saying it tongue in cheek? At this point I'm not even sure, so how can you be?
We cannot be afraid to have tough conversations. I know it's easier to text or email, but it's not the best way to handle real life problems. If you're in a situation where you just can't make a phone call, then you need to put the conversation on pause until you can. A lot of people like to hide behind the, "I just don't like talking on the phone" excuse. That's cool. You don't have to stay on the phone for hours, but you can't have serious arguments via text messages. How can you build a healthy relationship if you never have those moments of awkward silence once an argument has reached its peak? We can't take the little things for granted, folks.

Don't Kidnap and Assault Your Ex

Yeah, I know. So anyway.  While I was browsing the internet today, I came across this little gem from Yahoo! It's video of a high school basketball recruit collapsing in court after a judge sentenced him to three years in prison for kidnapping and assaulting his ex-girlfriend.  I had no sympathy for him because I saw that he plead guilty, meaning he admitted to doing these things. I hadn't even seen the tape of the assault at the time I made the decision that 3 years was a fair, if not light sentence considering the crime. I've been having a Facebook argument all day with people who think "it was too harsh of a sentence for a first offense." The question I have in response to those who say that, "How many times should you be able to kidnap and assault a person before you go to prison?" I still haven't gotten a definitive answer. All I know is once isn't enough. After going back and forth with people who felt like this little knucklehead had been unjustly punished, someone posted the video of the assault.   Any sympathy I might have been able to muster up for him will never see the light of day.  Was that the most egregious beating I've ever seen on video? Nope, not even close. But, it was bad. She was justifiably terrified and he seemed invigorated by that. This young man went to her apartment, and beat the hell out of her. Think about that. Think about walking into your apartment building and being attacked by someone who's twice your size. Now, I'm not one to arbitrarily throw out accusations, but I'm gonna assume this isn't the first time he's hit her.  The reason I assume this is because he felt comfortable enough to do that shit in public. It didn't look to me, like he was just winging it. I could be wrong though.  Anyway, this whole case has me annoyed. We have to raise our standards and stop feeling bad for people who bring strife unto themselves.  People have been throwing a pity party for this dude just because he had the potential to go play D1 basketball.  He knew better than any of his defenders what was at stake, but he couldn't control himself.  The boy clearly needs help, and I sincerely hope he gets it. But, forgive me if I don't feel sorry that he's going to prison for 3 years.  Of all the crimes I want a judge to be lenient about, kidnapping and assault are not among them.
In the words of Huey Freeman, "Every famous nigga that gets arrested is not Nelson Mandela."
Buddy will be no more than 22 when he gets out of prison.  He'll be able to turn his life around, and I sincerely hope he does.

Bras: Beauty vs. Functionality

So anyway. Let's talk about bra shopping, and what a daunting task it can be. Maybe it's just daunting for me because I'm working with DD's. I don't know, but I have issues.  There's nothing I hate more than an ill fitting bra. Ladies, if you're walking around and it looks like you have 4 breasts, you need a better bra. Please go to the nearest department store, or Victoria's Secret and get fitted. We all know bras can be expensive, especially if you have big breasts, so you need to have a good one. But if you can't afford a good one and all else fails, buy a bra that's a little too big, as opposed to one that's too small. That's just a basic garment buying rule.
I realized as I was shopping that all of my bras are basic and boring. They're all either black, white or nude. It's not that I don't like pretty colors or lace, but wearing bras like that can be difficult. I hate seeing the print of a bra through a shirt. If that's the look you're going for, then that's cool. But, it's not for me. I tend to stay away from the flashy prints because some of my clothing are made with very thin material. I refuse to let a bra ruin my outfit. Another issue I have with the pretty, lacy bras is they lack adequate support. My DD's are real heavy, and they need support. They're not going to sit up all pretty on their own, and I've found that sheer lace bras just don't cut it. There is room in my life for sexy lingerie, but not when I'm outside the house. Feel me?
Oh, one more thing. I'm noticing a lot of companies are making these minimizing bras, and they're dominating the stores.  Um, I don't want to minimize my girls. I happen to think they're lovely. I just want a bra that will support them, and perhaps give them a little boost. I certainly don't want a bra that's going to smush them. Where's the fun in that?

5 Hour Adventure

So anyway.  Yeah, it's been a while. You know the drill. Shit happens.
The other day I was kinda, maybe supposed to meet this guy for lunch.  We had talked about it, but nothing was set in stone because he wasn't sure he was going to be able to leave the office. But according to him, he really really wanted to get together since I was going to be in his area.  So, I was visiting with my friend at her job, waiting for him to tell me if/when he was going to be able to leave the office. Time was flying by, and before I knew it, it was like 2:15 and I still hadn't heard from him. So, I text him and asked him if he was going to take a lunch. His response was, "he just couldn't get away." Now, we didn't have anything set in stone, so that response would have been fine had I not had to contact him to get it.  That annoyed me, but whatever. All wasn't lost because this other guy who I've been regularly talking to, happened to text me and ask me if I wanted to get lunch. We had a great time, so I'm actually glad the other dude couldn't make it. We hung out, had sushi, went to another spot for dessert; then went to another place for drinks.  It was the perfect little 5 hour adventure.
In regards to the other dude, he continually disappoints me. It's never his fault though. There are always circumstances that make him unable to complete tasks. You know, there's just never enough time.  Well, the only way he can keep disappointing me is if I allow him to. I think we all know what needs to happen here.

Until next time......

Lifelong Friendships

So anyway, this is going to be one of those posts where I just bitch incoherently about something that's been on my mind.  So, if you're looking for grammatical correctness and all that jive, look elsewhere.  Today is not the day.
I don't trust people who don't have at least one 10+ year friendship.  I just don't.  I have many close friends who I've known for right under 12, 15 or 20 years, and a couple who I've known for over 20 years. Or as my grandmother might say, "Since I was knee high to a junebug" I'm not talking about the kind of friendship, where you've just known someone for a long time.  I'm talking about the kind of friendship where if I need anything, they'd give it to me, and I'd do the same for them. These relationships are hard to come by, but I have several. I find it hard to trust a person who doesn't have at least one.  You mean to tell me no one from elementary, to middle, to high school, to college f*cks with you.  Why is that? I think it says a lot about the type of person you are, and I wouldn't want to align myself with you.  If you don't value your friendships, why the hell would you care about my other friendships? You might very well be doing shit to try to sabotage those other relationships.  After a while, it stops being a coincidence that you keep scheduling shit when other important events were already planned, then expecting someone to make a choice. You're not going to win like that. Clearly.  It may take a while for people to figure out how full of shit you are, but your lack of meaningful relationships tells me that they all find out, eventually.