Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Random Thoughts on Motherhood and Marriage Prep.

I'm writing because I need to write.  I haven't looked at this blog since I last updated it.  That was too long ago.  Y'all know how I am though. The truth is, I've sat down many nights intending to write something, but nothing ever happened.  I had too many thoughts. I'll give you few of them.

I need to change my view of Motherhood. It occurred to me the other day that at this point in my life, I look at children as a burden.  Actually I don't know if burden is the right word, let's say inconvenience.  It sounds better. I do like children.  I love my nieces and nephews with all my heart.  I have them for every school break and at least a month in the summer.  I adore them. I even miss them terribly when they're not around. But the bottom line is, I don't have to raise those children. I get all the perks of motherhood, and none of the responsibility.  That's actually not a bad deal. All I know is it's getting harder and harder for me to envision having children of my own.  I've always been on the fence about having children, but I have thought about being a foster mother, at the very least. I have never had a problem dating guys with children, and at this point in life, I kinda feel like I should only date guys who have children because the reality of the situation is I'm not sure I'm going to have any.  I definitely have an age in mind that if I haven't had a child by then, I'm just not going to.  That age is not very far away.

A friend of mine sent me an email to this post a single Christian woman wrote about how the single Christian woman can prepare herself for marriage.  Look, I'm not saying what she wrote couldn't be helpful, but I absolutely have to question why we should take it seriously. She's not married, so how does she know these things will work? It's a simple question that none of my friends who absolutely loved the article could answer.  One of them told me that she would agree with me if the lady hadn't used scriptures from the bible to make her point.  When I read that, it gave me a headache.  Why do people act like just because you quote the bible you aren't full of shit? (see Eddie Long) I don't have to agree with that chick just because she dropped some lines from Genesis in her post. I'm not saying she doesn't have anything to offer, but taking advice on how to get married from a chick who isn't married just seems a bit ridiculous to me.
Anyway, now comes the time when I promise to update this blog more often. I'm going to update this blog more often. There. This time I mean it. I know I said that all those other times, but this time is different. I really mean it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Don't Say Yes, When No Will Do

Well, I'm 30 years old now. That means, a lot to me. I didn't have a great epiphany or anything leading up to it, and I don't feel any differently than I did a few days ago when I was 29. But, 30 is an important milestone for a lot of women. I can definitely say I am more comfortable being who I am right now than I've ever been in my life. That's an awesome feeling and it is the inspiration for today's post.
Over the weekend I went to Canada to celebrate my birthday.  I took this trip alone for many reasons. The number one being because I wanted my birthday to be completely about me.  I didn't want to have to consult with anyone about anything! I know a few people in Canada, so luckily I wasn't completely on my own for the weekend.  Overall it was a lovely trip. Toronto is a beautiful city, and if it didn't get so damn cold, I could totally see myself living there.  But, it does get cold, so there's a small chance in hell I'll be relocating there. But I digress.
On my last full day in Toronto I found myself in a peculiar situation. I don't really need to go into specifics to make my point. My message to you today is, if you don't want to be where you are, don't be where you are.
As adults, we all have choices and for the most part, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you're not comfortable enough to make tough decisions that may hurt someone's feelings, then you're doing adulthood wrong.  You're not going to please everyone all the time, so you might as well make peace with that. If someone invites you to go somewhere and you don't want to go, say no. There's nothing worse than being around someone who has agreed to be somewhere they'd clearly rather not be.  They check their phone and or watch every three minutes or so. You don't know if they have somewhere else they just have to be, or if they're just bored out of their mind. Either way, it's not a good feeling. It's annoying as hell, especially when you invite them to leave if they need to, and they decline, but their rude behavior persists. There are certain things you are obligated to do, but you should never feel obligated to go spend time with someone, other than like, your Granny. You either want to, or you don't. Unless you're a person who has a really good game face, don't say yes when no will do. Most people are smart enough to pick up on your discomfort and that has a way of being contagious. Now, we're all uncomfortable because you decided to go somewhere you didn't really want to go. Do us all a favor next time and just don't show up. It's way less offensive.
Everyone has their comfort zone, but it's more important to see how someone reacts when they're outside of that zone. You learn a lot about a person when they're in somewhat unfamiliar territory.
Anyway, I enjoyed my birthday trip. I had a few goals in mind and I accomplished them all. There were a few unexpected hurdles, but I got over them and that's all that really matters at the end of the day.