Sunday, October 31, 2010

Doing Me, Days 17, 18 and 19: Trust The Process

OMG I'm such a slacker!  I owe you 3 days and here they are.

Day 17:  Remember how I told you my friend was completely gone? Well, she's back.  I know how this must sound to you because it sounds the same way to me every time I hear it.  I think she finally got fed up with the back and forth.  "Baby I love you and I only wanna be with you, I'm so afraid of losing you"  he says basically every Monday.   She falls for it every time, because hey, that's what she wants to hear. Then, later in the week "Baby I'm scared, I just don't wanna hurt you or disappoint you".   Every time it appeared she was ready to move on he'd hit her with some of that "baby you're the one" bullshit.  I honestly hope she's willing to stick to her decision moving forward.  I know this isn't the happy ending she envisioned, but maybe it's for the best.  I truly believe so many of us hold onto former loves because it's just easier to believe the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with is someone you already know.  Love is a wonderful thing, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of the unknown.  It's scary to think about giving your heart to someone new. What if you still don't get your happy ending?  I know there's always something to learn in any relationship, but there comes a point when you're tired of not being anyone's choice.  Perhaps things would be easier if we'd only unlearn all of the bullshit we were taught when we were 6 years old.  By my calculations (if we're going off the fairytales) my Prince Charming is about 12 years late.  Maybe he's stuck in traffic.

Day 18:   It was a beautiful day around the city so I got out pretty early.  I didn't have anything in particular to do early in the day, so I just bummed around the mall a little and went to a few shoe stores.  I didn't buy anything believe it or not. I still had fun.  Later in the evening I made my way to a basketball game.  I was having issues getting inside because the young lady who was supposed to leave my ticket at Will Call didn't! It's all good though, I finally got in touch with her and I made my way inside.  Afterward I had big plans to go out and enjoy the city.  Things didn't quite work out like that. I was home by 11:30.  I completely lost the urge to go out once it was time to actually do it.  I guess I'm getting old. *shrugs*.

Day 19:  So my friend and I have these philosophical differences about the things people "should just know"  I know that type of thinking has caused a lot of unnecessary confusion in my life.  What I've learned as I've gotten older is not to assume people know anything.  Sometimes people don't know that you think things should be a certain way unless you tell them.  Especially in a situation where what's right and what's wrong is completely subjective.  My friend claims she's going to restart her thirty day cleanse today.  I'd just like her to try to make it one week at this point.  She seems to be confused about why I'm doing this and why she needs to do it.  She thinks this whole experiment is pointless and I'm going to go back to having the same relationship with the Ex and the Homie that I've always had.  I know in my heart that's not true.  One of the main points of this cleanse is to prove to myself that my life can go on and I can feel happy without talking to these two individuals everyday, several times per day. I needed to balance these relationships.  I'm a little more than halfway through this process and I already know it can be done.  Even when I had my moment of weakness two weeks in, I still felt like I could achieve this goal and change my life for the better.  I'm still on track, and I will get there!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Doing Me, Days 15 and 16: Moving On

Day 15: I didn't get to blog yesterday because  time kinda got away from me.  The only thing of note that happened was I talked to one of my exes.  He's a real character. I don't mind talking to him, but sometimes I wonder if it's healthy for me to still be friends with my exes. Not that I want to have relationships that end so badly that we hate the sound of each other's name, but it may not be healthy for me to still have what can be defined as friendships with former lovers.  I've never had a really bad break up, therefore I'm constantly being reminded of my past due to a phone call, email, text message or some random communication.  I probably need to reach a point with some of these dudes where it's like, okay I don't hate you, but we're not going to talk anymore. 

Day 16:  My friend is totally, completely gone.  I mean head over heels there's no talking her out of this situation, gone.  I'm happy for her for as long as she's happy.  The problem is, I've seen and heard this before.  I really hope things turn out differently than they have before, because that's what she truly wants.  I have this other friend who celebrated a birthday today. She got 300 Facebook posts, 50 voicemails and yet something was missing. She didn't get a post, or email, or voicemail from the one person she really hoped to hear from.  It's really hard when you've spent so many years loving someone and one day it finally hits you that the love they once had for you has dissipated.  I've been there before and it's not a good feeling.  Maybe this slight will serve as a harsh wakeup call that it truly is time to let the past be the past.  No more rendezvous or random movie nights or anything of the sort. When someone has been a part of your life for so many years, sometimes it's hard to imagine going through days without them.  We sometimes feel that some kind of relationship is better than no relationship at all.  Day by day I am beginning to think that's not the case.  Some people just need to be cut out of your life all together so that you can move on. Now I need to sit back and take a long hard look at some of my relationships and do away with some of the dead weight.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Doing Me, Day 14: Moment of Weakness

Last night I had a moment of weakness.  I called the Ex.  He's in a foreign country so it was really early over there, but I just needed to talk to him. I had a rough day yesterday and as I lay in bed, tears just started falling uncontrollably.  I really tried to fight the urge to call, but I just couldn't help myself. I knew he was just the person who could make me feel better or at the very least calm me down.  He did exactly what I needed him to do.  He sat on the phone and listened to me cry.  I suppose that means I need to add another day to my thirty days. Done.  I'm not going to make excuses.  The truth is I was sad and feeling so alone and I didn't want to feel that way.  He's kinda like a security blanket.  I'm still working toward not needing him to be that person, but hey it's process.  I can no longer make fun of my friend, although since she's completely abandoned the process and now talks to her beau everyday, I'm still in a better place than her. Small victory.
Then, this morning the Homie sent me a text. Since I'd already broken the rules, I sent him a response.  He said "miss you". I said, "miss you too".  I'm going to try to get back on track.  The mission is still the same. I just had a hiccup.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Doing Me, Day 13 continued: Take A Day

There is so much I need to touch on tonight, so forgive me in advance for my rambling.  The easiest and perhaps only way for me to get these thoughts out in a coherent fashion is probably to pose a question then expound on it. Does that work for you? Cool.

1. How do you know what you need to work on in order to become a better person if no one ever tells you?  We all say we want people to be honest with us about everything, but that can't be true.  You know why?  Because no one makes a habit of telling their family or friends their flaws unless they're asked to do so.  We're all content to live day after day thinking the way we behave is just peachy, when in reality we could do so much better if only someone would point out the things we can't see because of our blind spots.  We all have blind spots and unfortunately the only time things become clearer to us is because of an argument. An argument that possibly could have been avoided if someone had just told us the shit we're doing that's rubbing them the wrong way.  Instead we let things fester and before you know it, you're trying to address multiple things that made you mad recently, and that will get you nowhere.  Let's try to address things individually, and as they happen to insure a little argument doesn't turn into a big argument.  Addressing the issue head on is just one of many steps.  It doesn't mean at the end of the conversation you're both going to be on one side of the fence.  There are some things that you just will not agree on, and that's okay.  Speak your piece, let them speak their piece and at the end of it if you have to agree to disagree, so be it.

2. When someone tells you what you need to work on, how receptive are you?   This is another complicated issue. When two people have an argument about character flaws (for lack of a better description) any number of things can happen afterward.  Speaking from personal experience, there are two things that are likely to happen. You either walk away and really take into account the things they say you need to work on, decide if you agree that you could do better, then actually try to do better. Or, you walk away and after you've both calmed down you forget the argument ever happened and you carry on doing the same things you've always done until the next time you get into an argument about it.  Since I firmly believe we're content doing what we do, I'm going to say the latter happens more frequently than the former.  I had an argument today with my best friend. While we weren't able to reach any common ground, I did take into account some of the things he pointed out to me.  That's why the title of this particular post is "Take A Day".  I'm a very emotional person and most of the time I let you know exactly how I feel at the exact moment I feel that way.  People are always saying don't do this or say that when you're angry, but what I've really come to find out about myself is I still feel the same way the next day 90% of the time. I'm not saying it's right and it's probably directly connected to my stubbornness, but it is what it is.  That doesn't mean taking a day to think about it won't help me.  At the very least it will allow me to choose better words and maybe leave out some unnecessary profanity.  This is something I genuinely need to work on and for the first time I'm actually willing to do so. Sidebar: Not every person's opinion of you matters. For instance, I couldn't care less what the office manager at my job thinks about me.  I don't like her and she doesn't like me. That's about the only thing we can agree on and that's fine with me.  You get to decide whose opinion you value. Try to be receptive to those people's criticisms.

There's so much more I want to get into tonight, but I'll save it for another blog. I'm going to work on managing my emotions.  I knew this thirty days would be enlightening, I just didn't know so many things would hit me at once.  I'm also going to challenge myself to be more honest with the people in my life.  If they're doing something that bothers me, I'm going to let them know in as tactful a way as possible.  I'm going to encourage them to do the same.  I would like to challenge you to be more honest with your loved ones as well. The things that they do that drive you crazy, likely drive someone else crazy too.  You can't fault someone for not fixing a problem that they aren't aware even exists. Let's try to do better.

Doing Me, Day 13: Part One

We're not even half away through Day 13, but it's one of the harder days I've had in a while.  I really really want to talk to the Homie today.  I'm going through something that only he would understand.  Well obviously he's not the only person who has the capacity to understand it, but he's very familiar with the situation so he'd know exactly why I feel the way I feel.   It's nothing earth shattering, it's just something I'd like to talk to him about.  Today is hard, but I will make it through this.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Doing Me, Day 12

Today was a real chill day.  I didn't do anything of substance. I realized that I've been carrying on the past couple of days with barely a thought of The Ex or The Homie.  That's a beautiful thing.

Doing Me, Days 10 and 11: Partying

So, I didn't blog yesterday and I came dangerously close to not blogging tonight. I could blame it on staying out late partying with my friends, which I actually did, but I honestly just didn't feel like it when I finally got home.  I didn't rush right to sleep or anything so there's really no excuse.  Anyway, I'm back now so I'll just kill two birds with one stone.

Day 9 was a really nice day.  I went to an art exhibit with my friend and her boyfriend (who also happens to be my brother) and then we went to this little bar to see Ruby Velle perform.  She's awesome by the way.  The bar scene had disaster potential. At first it was just me and them, but as the night progressed more an more couples showed up, four in all.  So there I sat and stood in between 4 different couples.  What a nightmare! Nah, it wasn't that bad, but I would rather have not been in that situation to be quite honest.  It turned out okay though.  I had a great time and I saw another side of this city I live in.

Day 10 was full of fun and excitement! I actually went and hung out a few places by myself. After a couple of stops I found myself at this restaurant/bar/cigar lounge. I wanted to go some place to watch the Auburn/LSU game. (Cam Newton is a monster in case you didn't know)  I was sitting at my table alone watching the game and in walks former NBA player Charles Oakley. At first I wasn't completely sure it was him, but seriously, what are the odds of there being two abnormally tall men who look like Oak?  Anyway, He said hi, I said hi and he walked back into the cigar lounge.  About an hour later he walked out and he walks towards me and says "You're still alone? Where's your date? I know you didn't get stood up. I laughed and said "nooooooo I didn't get stood up, I'm alone by choice, haha" He said okay and he left.  That whole little exchange was hilarious to me and it made my day.  Afterward, I went home and got dressed for a night on the town with my girls.  We danced all night and now my feet are killing me! The next time we go out dancing I'm wearing Chuck's and jeans.  I don't care where we go.  We had a really good time and there was some eye candy in the place. What more could a gal ask for?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Doing Me, Day 9: Little Distractions

"I just wanted to let u know I miss u".  I got that text from the Homie this morning.  It made me smile because I'm honestly happy he misses me. It actually made me giggle too. Then, I had to make a decision. Do I respond? On the one hand, I shouldn't respond because I wanted to have thirty days of no contact.  On the other hand, I could say something to at least acknowledge that I received the text message.  It was quite a distraction to be honest.  I sat there and looked at the phone contemplating my next move.  I sent the text to my friend. Her response was, "Ignore! LOL"  I found that to be hilarious coming from someone who has completely abandoned the thirty day plan and now has a visit scheduled with her beau. Sidebar: I hope it works out for them.  I really hope they make a decision one way or the other.  The back and forth is not good for anyone.  I'm really afraid she's going to end up agreeing to something that her heart doesn't want to agree to, but I can't worry about it.  We'll cross whatever bridge we come to at the appropriate time.
Later on when she and I were chatting online she told me to respond to his text.  "What if something happens to him or you?  Will your thirty days seem so important then?"  My response was, "The Homie knows I love him.  I told him that everyday, even when we were fighting. It's the last thing I told him before I informed him we would not be speaking for thirty days. Anyway, this is not about him. The thirty days are for me. I've gotta try to see this through."  Then I told her that she's a hopeless romantic and she's the last person I need to be getting advice from at this point.  She knows this is a struggle for me. Considering she's already completely abandoned the plan and we're not even 10 days in, she'd probably try to convince me to call him.  She's not the person I need as an adviser. Our little chat did get me to thinking though. Is there a way I can keep "doing me" and not completely cut off all communication with the Homie?  I honestly don't think I can. I mean, I could try, but any attention I give to him would be less attention I'm giving to myself.  I just can't sacrifice that right now.  It's hard.  I can't say it's harder than I thought it would be, because I never thought it would be easy.  I just know it's hard.  I used to talk to this young man all day everyday. It's been quite an adjustment to not be able to call him on a whim and I know it's been an adjustment for him as well.  I think we'll both get through it and we'll be better afterward. At least that's my hope.
Right now I completely shut it down when I start thinking about the Homie or the Ex.  I literally tell my self to snap out of it.  I'm trying to get to a point where it's okay to have a passing thought about them, but I can't let it linger. I'm a work in progress. I hope you'll hang in there with me.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Doing Me, Day 8: Sharing

Ladies, as I sat on my couch talking with one of my friends who so graciously stopped by to kick it for a while, I realized WE need to open up and tell our stories more.   You never really know all of what someone has gone through, but I find that among me and my friends, some of our stories are very similar.  Besides, God did not put us here to go at IT alone. If you don't have friends in your life who you can share your pain, joy and everything in between with, then you need a new group of friends.  This is not up for debate.  We need to stop holding onto the various life experiences that helped mold us into the people we are today. Let's share these things so that they aren't weighing us down; and it might actually help our friends to better understand why we are the way we are about certain things.  You don't have to share your life experiences with all of your friends, but share them with at least one.  Or hell, share your story with a stranger.  I've had some of the most uninhibited conversations of my life with people I don't know. I never intend to share my life story with strangers, but sometimes we just get in the flow of the conversation and it can't be avoided.
This is all a part of my process to become a better version of myself over the next twenty plus days.  I feel good about where I am and where I'm headed.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Doing Me, Day 7

Day 7 was a lot of fun! My friend who's also doing a thirty day cleanse was driving through the city on her way back to Florida and she stopped so we got a chance to sit and laugh for a while. We really do have a lot of fun together.  She's been cheating and communicating with her beau.  I've just decided to accept that she's not going to be able to completely cut off the lines of communication, mainly because she's not trying to.  It's all good though.  Now that I've accepted her fate I can completely focus on my goal. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Doing Me, Day 6

Today in and of itself was not very interesting, but I did find myself in an interesting conversation with my friend who's supposed to be going through a thirty day cleansing of her own.  It got me to wondering if we should begin to evaluate the men we love or are in love with from the outside looking in.
When you're all starry eyed and in love with someone, day by day it becomes increasingly harder to see their flaws. As a matter of fact, it's more likely that it just becomes increasingly easier to ignore their flaws.
We seem to misremember a lot of the details surrounding our past loves and why we aren't in that relationship today.  I mean if they were as great in real life as they are in our minds, then shouldn't we still be together?  I know that the Ex is nowhere near as wonderful of a person in reality as he is in my mind.  I'm not completely delusional, but it doesn't change the fact that I've allowed myself to look the other way and act like I don't know some of the shit he does is just wrong on several levels.

The Homie is a sociopath, plain and simple.  Yet, I find myself putting up with absolute bullshit from him, all the while excusing it because he's one of my best friends and I love him.  "He's just young and dumb" I tell myself.  "He doesn't know any better". The truth of the matter is he's an adult and he knows right from wrong.  We need to quit accepting and enabling such behavior.
I can already see the ways our relationship is going to change.  I can't coddle The Homie anymore.  Don't get me wrong, I tell him when he's on some bullshit, but I do it in a nice loving way. That's over.  I'm going to have to handle him like an adult moving forward.
I'm on the verge of taking complete control of my happiness. Are you?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Doing Me, Day 5

Today was a beautiful day.  The weather was perfect, neither hot nor cold.  It was just perfect. I met one of my good friends for coffee this evening and we had great conversation as usual.  She's in the process of moving to the left coast and I'm going to miss her terribly.  We always get together every few weeks for dinner, coffee or something random.  She's one of the people I can talk to about The Ex and the Homie because she understands me.  We sit and talk out whatever issues we're experiencing at the time and usually one of us has a "come to Jesus" moment where everything just makes sense.  Sometimes you just need to talk it out with a friend before you decide the best way to approach a problem.  She's definitely had a hand in helping me deal with certain things and I'm proud to say I've had a hand in helping her deal with things too.  It's nice to have that friend who you can be completely honest with because you know she/he is not judging you.  You also know she/he is listening to you with the intent of hearing you and not just with the intent of responding.
I spent a lot of time with myself today prior to going to have coffee. It truly was a day of Doing Me. I look forward to seeing what this week holds for me. I'm going to try to make it great.  I encourage you to do the same.

Doing Me, Day 4.

Well, we have an interesting development. The last time I talked to the Homie I was reassuring him that it's okay for him to have a girlfriend.  He's a ladies man to put it mildly, and he's young so he has been hell bent on not getting into another relationship. His biggest problem is that he does want a relationship, he just doesn't want the responsibility of a relationship. He doesn't want to be accountable to anyone................until now.  He recently told me that he had started kicking it with this girl he used to kick it with a long time ago from his hometown.  With a little prodding, it seems he has accepted the fact that it's okay to like someone enough to want to be in a relationship with them.  They are supposed to be coming to my city next weekend just to hang out.  He and I have a mutual friend with whom we are both extremely close that's how I found out about this trip.  He told him to relay the message to me.  I decided that in this thirty days I was going to have no direct contact with the Ex or the Homie so I'm not going to see him.  Would I like to see him? Of course, he's one of my best friends, but this is a process that I've committed to and I'm going to stick with it.
My friend who is supposed to be going through this with me had a moment of weakness today.  She responded to a text message from the guy who's pulling all of her strings.  I'm disappointed, but she says she's going to get back on track and that it was only one message.   I have no choice but to believe her at this point. I'm really in no position to judge her because hell, I haven't made it through the thirty days yet.  Who's to say I won't have a moment of weakness. There have been many instances in the past 4 days that I've wanted to call both of these guys and share some random story that I'd normally share with them, but luckily I didn't. Life would be so much easier if our friendship was just a friendship.  Sadly it is not. My friendship with both of these guys is very layered.  There's a lot of history and a lot of emotion involved and it does affect my day to day life. It has to stop.  While I don't want either friendship to end, my hope is that at the end of this journey our friendships will be very different.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Doing Me, Day 3

When you look good, you feel good.  I'm going to go ahead and write that in indelible ink somewhere.  I had a pretty good day today.  I still haven't had contact with the Ex or the Homie. They're both respecting my hiatus just as I asked them to do.  It's actually been quite refreshing to sit around not thinking about someone all day for one reason or another.  This would be a lot harder if they still insisted on inserting themselves into my daily routine, but they're staying away for now.  While it's only Day 3, I'm confident I'll be able to stick to my plan.  I'm sure it will get harder as the days go by because I'm so used to sharing certain things with these guys, but I can deal with it.  No one said it would be easy.
I went to a restaurant to watch the game with one of my homeboys.  I hadn't seen him in a while so it was good to catch up.  I'm going to try to get out by myself a bit this weekend.  Or, I'm going to just stay home by myself.  Either way, I need some serious me time. I've gotta date myself so I can find out exactly what makes me tick.  What do I like, love, hate, need to change about myself?  These are questions that need to be answered and they can't be until I spend time with myself. My friends may not take kindly to me going at it alone, but it's something more single gals should try. Don't believe me?  Try it yourself.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Doing Me, Day 2.

Day 2 of "Doing Me"  was a decent day.  Aside from realizing I need to get my relationships in order, I also realized I need to get my (please forgive me for using this overused word) swagger back. I've just been going through the motions for months, but that needs to change.  I used to get up and get all cute for work even though no one aside from my coworkers was going to see me, but for some reason I just stopped doing that.  Actually, that's the exact reason I stopped.  No one was going to see me so why in the hell was I getting up early getting all jazzy for no reason? I've basically morphed into this person who only goes to work looking cute when I have somewhere to go afterward. 
I realized a long time ago that the way I present myself is directly attached to the type of day I'm going to have.  It's no coincidence that the days I was going somewhere were better days than the days I was just going home.  It probably sounds superficial, but when I look good, I feel a lot better about myself.  I like to think of myself as being pretty confident, but when I look good I feel really confident.  I've let something so simple to control get way out of control.  I've got to get back to being the girl who always looks jazzy. I went to work looking really cute today and  I wasn't going anywhere afterward.  It turned out to be a pretty good day. Consider me on rinse and repeat mode right now. I will be fabulous or close to it from now on.
A friend of mine is supposed to be going through this month long cleansing with me.  She's got her own issues right now and she needs to regain some control over her life as well.  Luckily for her she's only got one guy to contend with, but this one guy is her first, perhaps only real love.  While my ex is my first love too, there's little to no chance of us being together.  Her situation isn't completely hopeless other than the fact that he lacks the drive and or imagination to live life any differently than the way he's always known.  She's willing to try, he isn't. The problem is he still wants to be her friend and talk to her everyday.  That may work for some people, but it can't work in this situation.  It just can't.  I know she wants and deserves better and deep down she knows it too.  She's going to try to completely detach herself from the situation over the next month, but I'm a little skeptical about whether or not she can stick with it.  Hell, there's no guarantee I'll stick with it, but I think I'm a bit more stubborn than she is and when I'm completely committed to something I find a way to make it work. I'm going to try my best to make sure we both get through this and hopefully at the end of it we'll be better Single Gals.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Doing Me.

Last night I decided I need to reevaluate my relationship with a couple of specific members of the opposite sex.  There are two men who unknowingly have way too much control over my current love life.  It's not their fault that I've allowed this foolishness to go on, but now I need to take control of the situation.
One of them is my Ex from more than a handful of years ago. We really only broke up because I moved away, but I still felt like we'd find our way back to each other, so we've remained very close friends.  Too close.  Is there a realistic chance of us having a happy ending?  Nope.  Having acknowledged that a long time ago, one would be well within their rights to question my sanity. If I've known nothing is going to come of it, why have I continued to love him? (shrugs)  I pretty much use him as "the standard" for the man I covet.  I want someone who can make me feel the way he makes me feel.  He "gets" me.  He's smart and funny and silly, but not in an obnoxious way.  I'm not a superficial gal so I don't care about material things, but if I did he could provide those too. However, for many many reasons we will not be together so it's time for me to make him an afterthought.
The other guy is one of my best friends. I do know that I love him dearly as a friend, but there's also a small possibility that I'm in love with him.  One thing I know for sure is that I've become way too dependent on his friendship. We have a strange relationship that I couldn't make you understand even if I tried.  On the surface we seem like a couple, but I assure you we are not.   We've come to an impasse recently and it's time to make some tough decisions. He and my Ex have filled the emotional void in my life that a boyfriend would normally fill. It's almost like I forget I'm single at times because they're always there when I need to talk or when I need anything, excluding sex.  We've at least agreed to keep that out of the equation, but the other stuff is problematic enough. 
I'm comfortable being single, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a relationship. I don't long for one, but I would like a companion. Since I have these two men in my life I rarely put myself in position to meet someone new. I know this may sound crazy, but I need to feel single so I'll actually be able to create the possibility of a relationship; or at least be able to recognize when the possibility is there.
I'm going to take the next month to get my feelings in check and take complete control over my happiness. I'm not a sad single gal, but I still need to work on fully embracing my singleness. I used to go out alone all the time, but over the past year I've slacked off of me time and started inviting one or more of my friends to tag along. I've gotta get back to being a one woman show, and I fully intend to do that over the next thirty days. I hope you'll join me on this journey.


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Welcome to Silly Single Gal

I’m new to this, not new to blogging, just new to blogging about the things that ail the single gal.  I’m seasoned enough to know that first post should be somewhat introductory. Honestly, there’s not a lot to tell.  I’m a twenty- something year old single gal trying to better understand why I’m single and hopefully get you to open up about your dating life as well.  This blog is not about pointing fingers.  It’s about understanding why I/we do some of the strange things I/we do in the name of love or in the name of finding love. I plan on posting at least once per week and hopefully these posts will encourage friendly dialogue. Feel free to comment anytime.  You can also reach me on Twitter @sillysinglegal or feel free to email me at