(Rambling ensues) While listening to a radio show called 3 Degrees of Separation, on blogtalkradio, I had an epiphany (of sorts) The main topic of the show was, "Playing the victim, are black women beating themselves?" They touched on a few situations, from the workplace to relationships and etc. My epiphany (of sorts) came when they were talking about relationships. Listening to some of the women, it dawned on me that we women have spent way too many hours being mad at men who don't want to be in relationships. Whether he doesn't want to be in a relationship with us, or at all, we're angry about it. We've decided that "ain't none of them about shit" and "they don't wanna work for it" ("it" being a relationship, or sex) and "whores are making it too easy" and etc.
I came to the realization tonight that we have to learn to be okay, regardless. He doesn't have to want to be in a relationship and it doesn't mean he "ain't shit." If a young man wants to sport fuck, isn't that his right? I think when we want to be in a relationship, we assume that every guy who asks us out wants to be in a relationship too. When it turns out that he doesn't, we're pissed. We're pissed that he only calls or texts late at night. We're pissed that he isn't doing cute little romantic things to try to woo us. We're really pissed when we finally do go out on a date and he tries to get us back to his place. "IT'S THE FIRST DATE! HE MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH ONE OF THESE OTHER HOES!" In fairness to him, if his goal was just to hit it, he's not really going to know if he can if he doesn't try.
I'm not saying we can never be mad at men, but we've let this anger consume us to the point that it's playing an extremely large role in our lives.
The bottom line is there are men who want to be in relationships, you just have to find one of them. You're going to go out with a few who don't, but don't let it get your panties in a bunch. Just charge it to the game, and move on.
I've found that sometimes you can find out whether a guy is looking for a relationship by simply asking him. Not that all men are these completely honest beings, but most of them are going to be honest about that. The thing is, you need to find out what their intentions are before you let them know what your intentions are. Sometimes they just go with whatever you say, so let them answer that question first.
p.s. Stop being mad at the "whores who are making it too easy." That's not even a battle worth fighting, but I'll have more on that later. Until then, keep in mind that a woman isn't a whore just because she has sex with a guy she's not in a relationship with. Stop being so damn judgmental!