Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How'd I Let This Happen

Yesterday I had a brilliant idea to take a road trip to see a football game. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to stay overnight or just do a day trip. That's really the only thing I was pondering. I'd already made up my mind to pay for the ticket. I'd made up my mind that I was going alone. And, I'd made up my mind that I needed to get away from Atlanta.
Fast forward to this morning and I'm no longer taking this trip. Why? Because a friend called me and told me she needed to come to Atlanta because she needed to talk to me. I have no idea what she needs to talk about. I assume it's something serious because she wants to do it face to face. Without hesitation I scrapped my plan to go out of town. Why? Because I have this habit of putting other people's needs before my own.   Somehow, I've made her need more important than my own. And hey, maybe it is, but maybe it isn't. In the last post I talked about managing my mental health better and this trip was about my mental health. It hasn't even been a week and I've already given up on me. *rolls eyes*  I actually might still take this trip. It's really bothering me that I canceled it. I'm sure whatever she needs to talk about will still be an issue when I get back. Maybe she can come next weekend, or maybe we can Skype about it. I don't know. I've always dreaded the idea of not being there when someone really, really needs me. I'm just not sure if this is that kind of situation. I guess the question I should ask is "how does whatever she needs to talk about affect me?" It probably doesn't, which means it's her crisis.
What's a gal to do?


  1. Listen, my mom has this problem. STOP THE MADNESS NOW before you end up 60 and are always solving other people's problems and resenting it. If you get JOY out of stopping your plans for others, then as I tell my mom - do it. It's great and I love that quality in her. What I don't love is hearing about it on the other side about how she's always sacrificing for others and they aren't for her, yada yada yada. My point to my mom - uh, that's a you problem, not a them problem. Now, at almost 60 - she's creating boundaries. I love you and I say - call her back, do exactly what you said - Skype/Google Plus Hangout this week or face to face next week. There's no other options b/c you are planning a trip for YOUR mental health. Or (if it makes sense) tell her to meet you at the football game city. But if I'm you - putting you off for someone else's issue that you don't even KNOW about..nah, son.

  2. Helping others is a good quality to have. I believe that you have to be in a good place yourself, to help others. You can still be supportive for a friend but balancing your well being and needs is just as important. How can you help someone, if you need to "woo sai" in your own world, you know?

    My piece of advice is to go on the trip and let your friend know that you can be there for them when you are done decompressing. You will be better at helping them with their situation once your cool with yours :)

  3. I think you guys are right. I do want to have this experience. I can get drama any day of the week. Hell, that's one of the reasons I feel like this trip is necessary. But at the end of the day, even if I were going just for fun, that should be a good enough reason.