Monday, October 25, 2010

Doing Me, Day 13 continued: Take A Day

There is so much I need to touch on tonight, so forgive me in advance for my rambling.  The easiest and perhaps only way for me to get these thoughts out in a coherent fashion is probably to pose a question then expound on it. Does that work for you? Cool.

1. How do you know what you need to work on in order to become a better person if no one ever tells you?  We all say we want people to be honest with us about everything, but that can't be true.  You know why?  Because no one makes a habit of telling their family or friends their flaws unless they're asked to do so.  We're all content to live day after day thinking the way we behave is just peachy, when in reality we could do so much better if only someone would point out the things we can't see because of our blind spots.  We all have blind spots and unfortunately the only time things become clearer to us is because of an argument. An argument that possibly could have been avoided if someone had just told us the shit we're doing that's rubbing them the wrong way.  Instead we let things fester and before you know it, you're trying to address multiple things that made you mad recently, and that will get you nowhere.  Let's try to address things individually, and as they happen to insure a little argument doesn't turn into a big argument.  Addressing the issue head on is just one of many steps.  It doesn't mean at the end of the conversation you're both going to be on one side of the fence.  There are some things that you just will not agree on, and that's okay.  Speak your piece, let them speak their piece and at the end of it if you have to agree to disagree, so be it.

2. When someone tells you what you need to work on, how receptive are you?   This is another complicated issue. When two people have an argument about character flaws (for lack of a better description) any number of things can happen afterward.  Speaking from personal experience, there are two things that are likely to happen. You either walk away and really take into account the things they say you need to work on, decide if you agree that you could do better, then actually try to do better. Or, you walk away and after you've both calmed down you forget the argument ever happened and you carry on doing the same things you've always done until the next time you get into an argument about it.  Since I firmly believe we're content doing what we do, I'm going to say the latter happens more frequently than the former.  I had an argument today with my best friend. While we weren't able to reach any common ground, I did take into account some of the things he pointed out to me.  That's why the title of this particular post is "Take A Day".  I'm a very emotional person and most of the time I let you know exactly how I feel at the exact moment I feel that way.  People are always saying don't do this or say that when you're angry, but what I've really come to find out about myself is I still feel the same way the next day 90% of the time. I'm not saying it's right and it's probably directly connected to my stubbornness, but it is what it is.  That doesn't mean taking a day to think about it won't help me.  At the very least it will allow me to choose better words and maybe leave out some unnecessary profanity.  This is something I genuinely need to work on and for the first time I'm actually willing to do so. Sidebar: Not every person's opinion of you matters. For instance, I couldn't care less what the office manager at my job thinks about me.  I don't like her and she doesn't like me. That's about the only thing we can agree on and that's fine with me.  You get to decide whose opinion you value. Try to be receptive to those people's criticisms.

There's so much more I want to get into tonight, but I'll save it for another blog. I'm going to work on managing my emotions.  I knew this thirty days would be enlightening, I just didn't know so many things would hit me at once.  I'm also going to challenge myself to be more honest with the people in my life.  If they're doing something that bothers me, I'm going to let them know in as tactful a way as possible.  I'm going to encourage them to do the same.  I would like to challenge you to be more honest with your loved ones as well. The things that they do that drive you crazy, likely drive someone else crazy too.  You can't fault someone for not fixing a problem that they aren't aware even exists. Let's try to do better.

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